3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.