They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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