Kiss
Puke
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
