I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
