youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
