I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
