yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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