I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
