Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
