i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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