I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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