what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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