she woke up with a sticky ear
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
