I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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