Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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