Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is my gift to your gina
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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