i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
