i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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