He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
