I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
