Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
