if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
