hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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