I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
