i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
