Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I AM VODKA MAN
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
