I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
