Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
tell me about the eggs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
