Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
