dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
