My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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