Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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