I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
