I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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