My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
