Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
