After last night, I could never be a politician.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
