I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
