My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
