I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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