Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
