there's paper in my vomit.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
