I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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