i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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