She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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