i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she told me i tasted like america
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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