Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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