She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I will pee on everything he values.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
