I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
