Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
