Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
