Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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