Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize