omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
