too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
