I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
