Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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