I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
