I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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