you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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