dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
