I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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