Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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