At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
