Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
