He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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