I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
