I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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