I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
