You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
