If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
