Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
