come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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