anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
