Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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