K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
