If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
