my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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