I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
